sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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