Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
