We're facebook friends in real life
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
