I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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