Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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