I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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