I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
