He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
