did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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