She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
