i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You dont lie about slip and slides
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
