I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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