Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
