Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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