Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
