We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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