somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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