with your own penis?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
