That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
