he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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