I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
