Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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