So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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