Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
