OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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