Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
