I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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