I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I supernannyed him into submission
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
