i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
