planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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