Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
