I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
