Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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