Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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