Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
