i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
