I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
