y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
