I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
