I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
