You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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