the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
