just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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