Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
