Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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