I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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