so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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