Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
