i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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