Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
