I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
