I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
vagina is talking i cant
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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