Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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