I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
