My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
