Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
