she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize